“If it wasn’t about proving yourself to anyone at the end of the day what would you do? There’s so much one can let go when you don’t feel the need to prove yourself to anybody. It greatly impacts the decisions you make.”
Today I sit down with Shelley Pernot, published author, certified coach and founder of Babes without Babes in Austin. Babes without Babes is a meet up group for women who are childfree. Spending time with like-minded people with whom you don't have to justify your decision is huge when you are doing something different from the norm. You don’t realize you miss a community of people like you, for whatever it is for you, until you see it.
We talk about how the organization started out of anger and resentment, how it wasn’t until she recognized the complexity of the parent/ child dynamic that she boldly stated her choice of being childfree and how finding your purpose is really a crock of you know what.
Listen today on iTunes or Spotify.
On the fence and struggling with making the decision once and for all if you want kiddos ? With my free download, "The Kid Question," you'll identify and release your perceived obligations and expectations — your should shackles — so you can decide your future on your terms. www.hollykrivo.com/tools
I don't think I'm alone when I say that I feel like all the time has passed and no time has passed since COVID-19 crashed our party. Here in Norway we are slowly opening back up to a "normal" which is probably a stretch of the word.
Although we are all ready to get back to the life we created,I have spoken to several people who said it was a little bittersweet to return as they have found pockets of joy in their life during this time. Ways of living that were unexplored before the party came to a halt. Look at COVID-19 trying to bring a gift to the party it crashed.
Have you found that is true for you? I have noticed for me I appreciate the more frequent check ins with friends and family. I appreciate not having to feel like I need to go and do and be.
What is it for you? I think we can ALL find something that we can take with us from the experience even if in the midst it felt like a totals%$& show.
Have you found ways to cope in a stressful situation that you are proud of?
Are you grateful for the quality time with your family instead of the activities and events and to dos?
Have you enjoyed long walks in nature to clear your mind?
Are you saving money and realizing you really could do the things you wanted to do if you stopped the mindless spending?
Have you been honest and realized all the things you thought you "had" to do were not in fact that?
I encourage you to take 5-10 minutes today, grab a piece of paper and pen and write down the experiences, thoughts, actions you want to continue as we enter this next phase. Be specific on how you can implement these and why they are important to you.
Because here's the deal, we will get back to it and old habits die hard. It may be hard to imagine but one day this will feel like a distant memory and we'll forget the good that came out of it if we aren't intentional with what we learned.
Even if uninvited (RUDE) COVID-19 brought you a gift during this time, let's not let it go unappreciated or forgotten.
I feel like we’ve all been through a minor earthquake. We’re rattled. We’ve started to put things back on the shelf. We’re starting to adjust to our new normal but the ground has shifted and we’ve found a couple cracks in our foundation.
The foundation of our mindset. Our relationships. Our goals. Our optimism. Our health. Our finances.
Pre-earthquake we felt confident in the foundation of our life. We were rocking as usual until our world was rocked. When life is going as planned and we are “in control” (Spoiler: we rarely have as much control as we think) we tend to gloss over the cracks with busyness and accomplishments and excuses.
Post-earthquake we are noticing the areas of our life that maybe weren't as strong as we thought. The distractions are gone, our norm is flipped upside down and stress is high. It is no longer easy to avoid taking a hard look at what is holding our lives up.
Is this true for you? Are there areas of your life that have been exposed by this crack in the foundation?
Awesome! Let this be a warning shot for us all to get real on where we need to put some effort in our lives.
Is it a crack in your relationships where you are noticing areas that could use some support?
Is it a crack in your satisfaction with your job and you are wondering "what the heck am I doing"?
Is it a crack in how you take care of your body, both mentally and physically?
What an opportunity to be able see the areas of your life that have a crack before your world totally crumbles without warning.
I encourage you to take time with this question. Write it down. Let it marinate. Be honest and think big.
“What does my truest and most precious vision for this part of my life look like?”
Design that blueprint and take the first step to rebuild the foundation for a life you are proud to thrive in.
What an opportunity to rebuild your foundation with intention and purpose and passion.
“For me it wasn’t other people that held me back rather myself and the confidence. It was beating back the ‘You wont be able to do this’thoughts. You get comfortable in life and think ‘Why would I upset the apple cart when I don’t need to? I could be fine, coast, make money and go on down the road,’ but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted.”
Bryan was making a great living in the energy industry, not totally fulfilled, but also not sure what else he would do with his life. He would drive by the campus of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center and think "man if I could go back I would probably go the medical route". It never felt like a possibility, just a fun idea. He filled the void in his life running, eventually earning 4 IRONMAN titles after starting out with a work-sponsored 5K. He had no idea that the 5K would eventually propel him into leaving a secure, comfortable life in his mid-30s to attend med school.
In today's podcast Bryan shares the similarity of training for endurance sports and going through the med school process and how he is a better student later in the game than he would have been in his 20s. We talk about how the distracting chatter of what he "should" do came from himself and the way he combats those thoughts which still come into play today. We talk about how the power of mindset and showing up every day is key when making a big change and how finding your "reset" button will keep you focused and engaged.
Listen today on iTunes or Spotify.
If you are like me you ARE NOT HERE FOR THE STRUGGLE BUS.You are used to feeling in control of your day, getting stuff done and overall feeling pretty good. Riding on the struggle bus is uncomfortable and you are much more of a drive yourself type of commuter.
If you find yourself on the struggle bus, especially during COVID-19, while still trying to move the needle on whatever it is you want for your life I am going to say something that may sound a little counter intuitive to you.
Narrow your Daily Must Do List to 2-3 Items
"Wait ? Only 2-3 ? But Holly I can do so much more!"
Yes you can and you most likely will but we are in weird working times with unique distractions. As good as it is to have a routine, we must adjust our routine to our new normal. Having 2-3 items you can accomplish will be BIG WINS and we all need big wins these days.
Accomplishing 2-3 items a day will move you further along in your goals than a list of 10 that never get done and get bumped to the next day and the next and the next..... Sound familiar?
Ask yourself, What can I do today that will keep me on track toward what I want for my life ?
Write it down. Do it. Mark it off. Give yourself a high-five. Repeat.
Will you do more ? Most likely. The momentum of accomplishment will most likely keep you going but if not that’s fine too. You did what you said you would. You can go to bed knowing you kept a promise to yourself and made progress toward goals while also showing yourself grace and removing some of the self-imposed pressure. It’s totally possible to be riding the struggle bus and still make some moves.
If you are on the struggle bus, I see you. I hear you. It's normal and perfectly okay to take a ride on the struggle bus. We just can't stay on there forever. We have bigger things to do.
Remember I'm rooting for you.
“I’ve always had a struggle with what life has told us we are supposed to do and what I internally felt I was supposed to do. I thought I was supposed to have kids, be married, etc. I had these expectations for myself but inside I somehow knew I didn’t have to do these things. I was secretly fighting those thoughts. I wouldn’t say I was disappointed in my life but like a lot of women I know I was really focused on timelines and set goals based on where I should be.”
Jessica was checking off the all the boxes for the American Dream. She had the degree, the corporate career, the hip apartment, the nice car and a great group of friends. She wasn't unhappy but had a nagging sensation there had to be something more outside of society's expectations. She had struggled for a long time with what she thought life had told her what she was supposed to do and what she internally wanted for her life. She was doing what society told her to but she had a voice in her head and heart telling her there was more.
So in 2017 she left a very nice life to chase that voice in her heart telling her it was time to travel the world and for almost three years, Jessica has lived out of a suitcase living in over 20 countries and exploring more than 30. She made the bold and courageous move to leave the good life to lead her true life. It hasn't always been easy but it's been worth it.
In today's episode we talk a lot about how self-awareness is key when making a big decision, why she chose to leave a life that was going well and she was happy with to take the chance to follow her heart and how the theme to her adventure is shedding the extra baggage both literally and metaphorically to be free in all they ways.
Listen here on iTunes! If you would like to work on stepping into your truth with what you want for your life email me at holly@hollykrivo.com with “Leaving the Good Life” in subject line for a complimentary session.
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Anyone else feeling totally out of wack? I have been staying up till 11. ELEVEN! And sleeping in until 7. SEVEN!
Not only are we all figuring out our new normal I bet a lot of us are feeling guilt, judgment and “shoulds” around it.
Are we doing enough? Are doing too much? Are we showing up as our best selves? Are we showing our heineys more than usual?
Yes. All of the above.
Figuring out our mindset, coping skills and new normal isn’t easy and it can change day to day. Hour to hour. Minute to minute.
I want you to remember. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on how you are responding during this unprecedented time including to yourself.
Show yourself some grace. Defend yourself to no one.
If you respond by eating chips on the couch, binge-watching your favorite show,I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by going full throttle at work, a side-hustle or personal growth,I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by crying in the shower hiding from kids, I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by cycling through all these on one day MULTIPLE times, I’m rooting for you.
We’re all figuring out how to handle this and it’s okay to change your ideas or plans for what you need. Show yourself some grace.Defend yourself to no one.
In full transparency this is something I have struggled with even before this COVID-19 experience. Showing myself grace when I show up different than how I normally do. Showing myself grace when I wake up feeling non-productive and negative. Showing myself grace because at the end of the day I am the one who is most critical.
We all have enough going on without feeling the “shoulds” that weigh heavy in our lives. The only thing you need to be doing now is taking care of you in whatever way that serves you in that moment, remembering to show yourself some grace.
What is that for you? If you don’t know I encourage you to take the time to really acknowledge what it is and honor it. Join my Rise and Shine mail list today for additional insights and actionable steps to continue to shine bright.
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“I had played it safe. I could tell you so many stories of ways I have shut myself down to make other people feel comfortable. Once I found my voice, I realized people either really like me or really don’t like me and that’s okay because I know where to invest my energy and efforts. Not everyone needs to like you, not everyone needs to like your message or how you do it but the ones that do are where you add value to them and take into account the value they add to you.”
Today’s episode is with Spanki Mills and in her own words, you either love her or you don’t. Not many lukewarm feelings for Spanki. I for one love her.
She lives unapologetically and admits in her 40s she is still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. A creative on many levels, she is constantly exploring what her"day gig" is but at the core it boils down to helping women discover they can do things outside the norm, stand firm in who they are and quit putting other's expectations on themselves.
When she had her kiddos young she pushed her desires aside to be a mom, thinking her time had passed. After an "adult temper tantrum" in her 30s she has been on fire, doing the work to better herself and to create a life she is proud of on her terms. We talk about how being a people pleaser is a really hard habit to break, how sharing your story and truth no matter how painful is can be such a gift to help heal others and yourself and how she turned down a business opportunity THREE times until she realized she could do it her way.
Listen here! If you would like to work on stepping into your truth with what you want for your life email me at holly@hollykrivo.com with “Doing the Work” in subject line for a complimentary session.
Show Notes
10:00 – What is was like to give up her desires as a young mom and how an“adult temper tantrum” in her 30s got her on track to honor her truth.
15:20 – How one simple photo editing task changed her life and made her realize that her people pleasing was doing not only her a disservice but also her clients.
24:41 – Why she turned down an amazing business opportunity THREE times until she changed her perspective on how she could run the business.
32:00 – Why trusting yourself with what you want for your life keeps you focused and how photography helped her grow a thicker skin.
38:50 – How the years of living her life to please others felt like a waste of her time, leaving her feeling heavy and empty and how she turned it around.
46:30 – How trying to fit ourselves into a checklist of others is the easiest way to get burnt out and will be a sure tell sign to others that we are not living authentically.
52:15 – How being vulnerable helped her become the leader she never thought she was inspiring her team to do the same.
59:11 – How we have a duty to give truth to our story to not only let us heal but also show others they aren’t alone and they to can share their story.
Ya’ll. I love my birthday. Like celebrate the whole month type of love. We had been planning my 40th celebration to Italy for a while but like millions around the world our plans were cancelled a couple weeks ago.
Am I disappointed? Hell yeah!
Have I excused my disappointment away based off the real devastating losses people are facing during this time? Absolutely.
Do I feel silly and selfish and bratty to even say this out loud? Kind of.
If you’re like me you are keeping in perspective as it’s probably not an overstatement to say that every single person in the world is feeling a loss, from the absolutely devastating to the missed events that you’ll never get back.
So we excuse away our losses and disappointment during this time chalking them up to “first world problems”.
We don’t want to complain about missing trips when there are those missing funerals and cancelling weddings.
We don’t want to complain about missing milestones when there are those who are losing their livelihood.
I am here to tell you its okay to mourn your losses. They are still your moments that you have been looking forward to, maybe even for a lifetime, that you wont’ have. You can be sad and disappointed AND still having compassion for others. It’s not an equal sum game.
There is one simple thing you can do, that’s worked for me and others, to help you move past the disappointment.
State your disappointment out loud (with no qualifiers)
Call a friend. Bust out a journal. Give words to the disappointment you feel. It’s okay to sit in your sadness of the disappointment you are feeling. You had plans and goals. You missed a big event. You miss your family.Whatever it is put words to it.
Speaking your disappointment out loud will feel like a relief, shaking off the guilt and shame you feel because what you’re going through “isn’t that big of a deal”. Only when we are honest with ourselves on what we are really feeling are we able to let it go.
It may feel trivial but if disappointment is sitting in your heart and festering, the time is now to release it. We have a long road ahead of us and we don’t need to be bogged down with extra weight. We need to be at our best to support each other during this time.
So yeah my birthday celebration won’t be what I imagined but I am still looking forward to it. I will still look forward to calls. I will still find ways to celebrate all month. I will still find joy and love because that’s really what its about.
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In what feels like another lifetime I worked in Marketing and Communications for USA Softball, a life-changing experience of growth and opportunity for me. I could write a book with what I learned from the habits and mindset of athletes who are literally the best in the world to learning howto be adaptable, flexible and still maintain excellence.
There is one lesson that I always come back to and it’s been especially helpful during the past couple weeks as the Coronavirus has started to impact our life here in Norway.
Control the Controllables.
Olympic Gold-Medal Winning Coach and 8-Time National Championship Coach at the University of Arizona Mike Candrea would tell this to the team on what felt like a daily basis but it’s such a good reminder to focus on what you can control.
We as humans seem to spend a lot of time on worrying about things that if we are honest about it, we have little to no influence on. By Controlling the Controllables and letting the rest fade away, you have more energy to focus on the things you really can impact as opposed to worry or running around in circles NOT doing what you can to move the needle.
Can I control if airlines cancel flights, countries shutdown borders or any other reason that would disrupt our plan?
No.
But I can control buying flights, hotels and experiences that are refundable. I can look at other travel options if our trips get cancelled.
Will I be disappointed if we have to cancel our trips?
Hell yeah ! But I can control my thoughts and emotions. I can remind myself this is first world problems and despite being frustrated,there are people out there who are sick or financially struggling because of this.
There is probably not a week and definitely a month that goes by that I don’t comeback to this principle of “Control the Controllables” and it is a key factor in keeping my sanity when things get a little off kilter.
What are the Controllables in life you can focus on ? How will letting go of that which you cant control free you up to work on what you can?
If it works for Olympic Gold Medalists, it can work for you!
If you want more of this content delivered to your inbox, join my newsletter list by scrolling to bottom of page or email me at holly@hollykriv.com.
Last week I was overwhelmed with loneliness. With tears in my eyes the thought ran through my head “I’m just so lonely.” And then another thought popped up “No. You aren’t lonely. You are just feeling that way.”
I am not a lonely person. I have a supportive spouse. I have an amazing network of family and friends that I could call at any time. I have interests and hobbies that keep me entertained and challenged. And to be honest, I love hanging out with me. I’m a ton of fun 😊
I am not lonely. I am just feeling loneliness.
We aren’t at the mercy of the emotions we feel. We don’t have to allow every emotion we feel to set up shop. Treating our emotions as something we have, and can easily change, and not who WE ARE is a game changer.
This shift of thinking doesn’t discount what you are going through. You may be in a tough season of life and these hard emotions are very real for you. You may need sit with them for a while but even then, remember they do not define who you are.
YOU aren’t sad. You feel sad. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
YOU aren’t stressed. You feel stress. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
YOU aren’t anxious. You feel anxiety. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
It’s perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions and more. But we don’t have to carry them with us longer than they serve their purpose.
After reminding myself I was just feeling lonely. I put my big girl panties on. I felt the feeling with no judgment. I reminded myself of all the reasons I wasn’t lonely. I did things that day that reminded me I wasn’t lonely.I called my brother. I scheduled an outing for this week and read.
Just like we are more than the labels we wear, we are more than the emotions we feel.
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“All of a sudden I am living outside the lines and I had never lived outside the lines. Anytime you go against your norm and who you are, there is a level of fear that comes with that. As I pushed through that I felt more of the fear subside and felt more empowerment. It was close to a two-year transition but eventually the empowerment overrode the fear."
Today's episode is with one of my dear friend's Krista who is a child-free powerhouse of a woman. Her story read like a romance novel all the girls wanted to read. Successful career, dream husband and youth on her side for kids quickly to follow but one thing remained. Despite accomplishing all the things society told her she needed to, this wasn’t the life she wanted so she had the courage to flip the script.
A self-proclaimed “list maker/check box marker offer” Krista shares her story about how realizing she didn’t want kids led to her divorce,how rebuilding her life required a complete 180 and how the support of family and friends is critical when a women talks about not wanting kids.
Listen today on Spotify or Itunes. Message me at holly@hollykrivo.com with subject line "Scrapping the Plan" for a complimentary coaching session!
