When we don’t reset expectations after changed circumstances, we are a lot like this cute little bulldog. Sitting stubbornly, giving life the side eye as it wants to take us down a path we did not want to go down.
Resetting expectations isn't fun and I'm not telling you it should be. To be honest,it sucks but I am proud of you for embracing the suckiness. We have two options in life and if I know you, you will choose the one that moves you forward.
Now that we've taken a beat to mourn our losses and reset our expectations, What is it you want out of 2020?
I want you to think through what your top 1-3 goals are for this year and write them down. Get them out of your head and into the Universe. Go ahead, I'll wait....
Your goals may look completely different than you had originally thought.
Your goals may look less fun and more survival.
Your goals may look "small" and"insignificant". (Spoiler alert! These are often times the ones that make the biggest impact.)
Whatever they are, honor them. Make them a priority. Be accountable for what you want.
No more excuses on not moving forward in 2020. Because that would really suck.
“In the South there was a strong sense of what your future should look like. I remember thinking ‘I don’t even want to be here’. I had a hard time imagining what it would be but I knew it wasn’t what I saw around me.But It was easy to be religious and get married young. I actually don’t think I gave it much thought. I just looked around and thought that’s how we do it.”
Patti is the Founder of two companies, The Way Back Movement and Learning Reinvented, and a powerhouse of a woman but it wasn’t always like this. She was raised in the deep south in a conservative Baptist household where the options of what she saw to be a woman did not align with what she wanted. However,she still found herself on the path of marriage at 20 and a life of what she “should”do. It wasn’t until she woke up one morning and thought “it hurts to live” that her life fell apart and she was able to reconstruct it into her most true life.
She has disrupted the norm several times over her in her life and has done so with grace and transparency. In today’s episode we talk about how the safe path isn’t always safe and the bigger question of “Is safe even an option”? We talk about how following your musts over your shoulds is a key to living your truest life and that if it feels scary you are doing it right. And we talk about how believing in yourself is a life-long focus and one that requires daily focus for incremental growth.
Listen on iTunes at Chill & Grace. If you like the podcast, please leave a review as that helps other like-minded individuals like yourself find this podcast.
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Expectation: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
We have a lot of emotion tied into our expectations so it makes sense they are hard to let go of when circumstances change and they are left unfulfilled. Often we continue to try and put the square peg into the round hole and are left angry, anxious and defeated when it doesn't workout.
If you feel like your expectations are holding you back from moving forward, the exercise below was designed to help you reset your mindset.
"My expectations for this year were to________. It now looks like it won't be possible because of _______.Accomplishing this this year was important to me because __________. I may not be able to _________ but knowing what I do now I can __________ which is important to me because __________."
To give a little more context I have included one of my biggest unmet expectations for the year.
"My expectations for this year were to have my friends and family come visit us in Norway. It now looks like it won't be possible because of the limits on foreign travel due to COVID-19. Accomplishing this this year was important to me because I wanted to share my experience with loved ones and I miss them. I may not be able to see them in person but knowing what I do now I can schedule more video calls and take videos and photos of the experience to share with them which is important to me because I want to stay connected and share the experience."
Reminding yourself why your goals/expectations are important in the first place helps you stay connected to your WHY no matter what the circumstances and expectations are.
Letting go of expectations isn't easy or fun and to be totally honest can really suck. But we can either sit in the suckiness and sadness of it or stay focused on why it was important and choose to move forward with option B. What's it for you?
Remember how full of hope we were at the beginning of 2020. All bright eyed and bushy tailed with big dreams saying things like "I'm having 2020 vision this year"!
What a difference 188 days makes. Now we're all shell shocked, hoping our pants fit and trying to figure out what's next.
Good news is we still have 177 days to change our course.
I hate to break it to you but we have to let go of what might have been, what could have been and what should have been to move forward. We can still mourn these losses but to sit in a space of "But it wasn't supposed to be this way!!!" (even whats that's #fact) doesn't serve you.
Circumstances have changed. Our expectations and plans must change as well.
Here are three questions to ask yourself to clear the slate heading into the back half of the year.
Have I mourned the losses of 2020? We've all lost something this year. From time with family to missed events to financial loss,your loss is real and valid. Sit with sadness, anger and frustration of your loss then choose to move forward. It doesn't mean we forget, we just move forward.
Have I adjusted my goals and expectations for the year?Often times we know circumstances and things have changed for us but we don't adjust our life accordingly, including goals and expectations. We try and put the square peg into the round hole. Take an honest look at where your life is now and see where you need to make adjustments.
What have I learned over the past 6 months that I can take with me? I don't want to hype up the past months too much but I know we have all learned something from it. From adaptability to slowing down we have all become aware of changes we want to implement going forward. Finding some kind of positive in the mess is a key element in moving on.
Often times our losses and frustration (as valid as they are) are such a distraction from us moving forward. Let's change that today!
“What I was feeling (fear) and the reason I was feeling this was because there’s a huge amount of stigma on deciding not to have children. Suddenly in that realization that there is a massive stigma around this, it was okay that I felt apprehensive and daunted. The fact I know there is a stigma and judgment with this decision made it freeing for me. In the same way people have judgment to homosexuals, transgender people, insert all the words that carry a stigma, this does in a similar way. It made sense why I felt this way.”
Sarah is a childfree woman from the UK who reached out in February to share her story on the podcast of being childfree. After reaching out, fear and unease and worry set in and it wasn't until May that we sat down for the podcast. Despite being firm in her decision to be childfree the overwhelming feeling of judgment sat heavy and it wasn't until she realized the power of the stigma that she was freed up to tell her story.
In this episode we talk about the importance of sitting in your feelings when working through big decisions and how you can make a decision that you are confident in but also have sadness with that decision. Sarah shares how as someone with a background in risk management, creating a contingency plan for her decision, gave her added peace with her decision.
Listen on iTunes at Chill & Grace. If you like the podcast, please leave a review as that helps other like-minded individuals like yourself find this podcast!
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"Where there is a hill to climb, don't think waiting will make it smaller." - Anonymous
For many of us the changes we want to make or life we want to lead can feel like wanting to climb Mount Everest on a good day. So faraway, scary and with the thoughts of "Is this even something I can do?" or "How uncomfortable is this going to be?”.
This is really showing up for all of us these days in big ways. I know for some of you reading this just getting through the day, with the uncertainty and fear, is overwhelming. Or for others of you, change is necessary but the thought of doing something different is paralyzing.
We as humans have a tendency to focus on the enormity of the end goal, discounting the things we can do to make progress TODAY.
But like Anonymous says, waiting won't make it smaller.
Courage won't find you when you wait.
Clarity won't find you when you wait.
Confidence won't find you when you wait.
Your uphill battles won't go away the longer we wait. You don't have to climb the whole hill today but you do need to get started.
What is ONE STEP you can make today to face that uphill battle?
Are you wanting to make a decision you’ve been on the fence about? Commit to 20 minutes of dedicated time to work on this decision.
Are you wanting to get out of debt? Commit today to take an honest look at your finances so you know where to start.
Are you wanting to pursue a new career? Commit to researching what the next step could look like for you.
Are you wanting to lose weight? Commit to creating a health plan that serves your life.
You most likely won’t be able to tackle these in one day but if so kudos to you! However, don’t let the bigness of what you want for your life distract you from taking small steps every day. It’s the only way you’ll get to the top.
What is it for you?
Hei Hei! So last week I wrapped up my language classes. Jeg snakker litt Norsk.
My classes were 90 minutes, twice a week and to be honest I didn’t always look forward to them and may not have shown up as my “best self”.I felt silly, insecure, was wrong 80% of the time (generous figure) and didn’t exactly click with my teacher. He didn’t seem to appreciate my humor. Can you imagine?
Besides learning enough Norwegian to make myself dangerous,here is one of my biggest takeaways.
If you’re afraid to look silly or dumb, you’ll never grow.
I swear four months in and I still could not pronounce basic words right or remember what exactly "present perfect" meant.
I would get anxious and nervous heading into class because I knew I would fumble through most of it, saying things wrong that a three-year old Norwegian could master. I didn't want to be wrong or look silly but for 180 minutes a week that's exactly what I did. I fought it for awhile but realized that I shouldn't know Norwegian and this should be challenging. I am learning something brand new that went against 40 years of learning.
Once I released my ego, it all shifted and I started to enjoy my classes and learn more too. It started to flow and I took the pressure off understanding that the ONLY way I would learn was to risk looking silly or dumb. I had so much fun after and still am. I am still wrong and feel silly speaking it but that's no longer my focus.
What would you do if you weren’t afraid of feeling dumb or silly or insecure?
Is it something small like learning a new sport or hobby or is it a career change?
Is feeling silly or insecure a good enough reason to not go after this?
That’s a question only you can answer. Let me know how I can support you in this!
Husk at jeg har rot for deg!
“You’ll know they are truly your values when you stand up for them when it’shard.” Stu McLaren spoke this on his podcast this week and I was like OK STU.
We talk A LOT about values in coaching. What are your highest values? What is important to you when you show up in the world? When you feel icky it’s often because you are acting against the values that are important to you. It’s easy (easier) to honor your values when times are good or when you are interacting with those who seem to share your values.
It gets a lot harder to live your values when you are challenged, questioned and convicted or interacting with those who you vehemently disagree with.
The past couple months have tested and revealed our character and values as we are living in uncertain, volatile and divisive times. I strongly believe this is just the beginning.
I encourage you to take a beat and ask yourself, “How am I honoring my values during this crisis?”
Do you value compassion but are not reaching out to those hurting because you aren’t sure what to say?
Do you value authenticity but you are hiding what is on your heart because of fear of what others think?
Do you value kindness but are spending time behind your computer being unkind to those who are different than you?
Do you value accomplishment but aren’t sure where to start because the chaos of the world seems too monumental?
These are a couple of the ways I have noticed a conflict with my values during this time. And every single time I step away and recognize this and take action to honor my values, the helplessness and frustration lessens.
The road ahead is long. We have to know what we stand for especially as we embark on a new era for our country and the world. This is hard work. I’m not saying it isn’t.
Are you showing up like the person you want to be or in away that contradicts the values you set for yourself?
If you are unsure of your values and how to honor them, I am scheduling FREE 45-minute value assessments for the next 30 days. Email me at holly@hollykrivo.com if interested.
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Standing on a boat in the middle of a Fjord, my heart was full of awe, gratitude and disbelief at the beauty that surrounded me. And then a thought popped up that made my smile a little broader. I felt small and insignificant, in the best way possible.
I looked around thinking at this moment it doesn’t matter who I am, what I do or what I accomplish. This place was here long before me and will be here long after me.
I felt a sense of relief that yes while I still want big things for my life, most of the people in the world have no idea what I do or who I am. Every move I make does not have life-long impact. The self-imposed pressure lifted a bit.
It’s normal to get wrapped up in our lives with no thoughts to the big picture. Our lives do matter and our struggles, worries, and victories are important to us. They should be. But so often we tend to overthink and over worry ourselves into paralysis thinking that every decision has this magnitude of power that in most cases it does not.
We tend to take ourselves so seriously that we can miss out on the excitement and joy that life can bring. We become so worried of people’s opinions and what could happen that we don’t step out with courage and passion.
We tend to think the world is watching every move we make when in reality we are all busy leading our own lives.
While surrounded by the most beautiful place I have ever seen, I felt a sense of power knowing I could do things that may fail, that make me feel vulnerable, that people may not understand and still the world goes on. Not everyone is watching my every move even if I would like to think so.
What is it for you?
What is ONE thing you would do if you gave no thought to other’s opinions of you?
What is ONE thing you would do if you gave no thought to the fact it might fail?
What is ONE thing you would be so proud of to accomplish even if it meant nothing to others?
I hope that in the future whenever I get hyper-focused on my bubble, I can stop and think about that moment when I looked around at a vast world and realized the small role I play and the power that lies in it.
Whatever it is for you, I am rooting for you!
“I remember when I was looking at my son. We would take long walks because he would only sleep when he was held and I would talk with him and tell him ‘I want you to be you in whatever that means. I want you to be you and no one else.’ One day I looked in the mirror and thought what example am I setting for him? Then everything began to break.”
I am so honored to be able to share the story of my friend, Remington. Remington is an ordained Presbyterian Minister and Healthcare Chaplain. She currently works with the sick and dying as well as with their support system as a hospice chaplain. She is one of the kindest, most compassionate and courageous people I know. She was also born a male.
When I met Remington about 5-6 years ago she was presenting as a man. I have witnessed her journey as she dove into the deep end of living her truth. Although her exterior has changed, her heart, values and love for people has remained the same yet expanded in so many ways once she embraced who she was meant to be.
This was such as special episode as we talk about her recognizing at the age of 9 that something was different and at the age of 13 seeing a trans woman and feeling something in her stir but in the same moment feeling the shame. Remington shares the years of pushing down who she was meant to be to live a life society instructed her to and that it wasn't until the birth of her son that she had the courage to honor her truth. We also talk about how her faith has changed over the years and how she is a better bedside chaplain now than when she was presenting as a man.
I have never seen someone trust themselves to disrupt the norm in such a big way and as gracefully as Remington has. This podcast was an honor to share with you.
Listen today on Spotify and iTunes.
Hi! I am so glad you’re here. Just by you showing up here, I see something in you. I see how you know there is something more you need to do. I see that you are frustrated with the progress or lack of progress you’ve made. I see that you are someone who values making the best of their time on this planet. I see someone who is ready to make an investment over an excuse.
I like you already!
You may have lost traction over the past couple months or found a shift in your priorities but take a deep breath. You’re in the right place.
Now more than ever it’s important for you to be intentional with your life.
Despite all the uncertainty and setbacks you have faced, you are still in control of how you show up every day and the impact this creates.
That is what this program is all about. It was designed to help you reset you goals and priorities and relaunch into the back half of the year, equipped with the tools, mindset and support to make it all happen.
Is this for you?
Are you someone who knows what they want but if left to your own devices, it will stay on the back burner? And to be honest, you’re just sick and tired of letting yourself down?
Are you someone who wants something different in their life but the thought of what to do and where to start is paralyzing?
Or are you just someone who recognizes the power of support and a plan in making your lifework for you and not against you?
If you said yes to any of the above, this is for you! I work with high-performers who believe it is one of their highest values to show up as their best selves. They understand that true growth is a long game but the efforts are a daily task. They understand that they create their future even when everything around them is unknown.
Are you ready to make an investment over an excuse?
What is Reset. Relaunch.?
A 90-day program designed to support you to make serious moves on what you want for your life.It’s been designed to make small, consistent moves toward what you want with little overwhelm.
· Monthly 1:1 sessions (3 sessions) – We will work together to create a strategic plan, work through barriers and limiting beliefs and anything that else that will get in your way.
· Accountability Check Ins (6 – 2x month) – It helps to have someone check in on us when we set goals. We’ll connect via text/email to ensure you are staying on track for the goals you set.
· Weekly Actionable Content – This content will be delivered straight to your inbox on Sunday so you can start the week strong. This may come in the form of video,text or worksheets. Never overwhelming and always useful.
· Online Community - A dedicated face book group for the like-minded members of Reset.Relaunch. for encouragement, support and fun! I'll also show up with FB lives and group coaching!
But Wait There’s More! What good is all the above if it doesn’t produce lasting impact.
Clarity on your goals are and why they are important.
Plan customized for you based on what you want for your life.
Focus on one thing at a time to build the momentum. A rising tide lifts all ships.
Progress through daily, weekly monthly actions, small steps to make big progress.
Confidence in your ability to make life work for you through daily actions and goals
Support through myself and the online community of your fellow members. Excellence begets excellence and we all need a little extra support.
Celebrate your accomplishments,big or small, to keep the momentum on all the great things you are doing!
I Want In!
I am only taking 25 members for this initial launch AND as a bonus since it’s the first launch I am offering a ONE-TIME offer for this 90-day program of $379 for the entire program. The value alone of the 1:1 coaching more than this inaugural rate!
If you signup by May 22nd, you’ll receive a bonus 1:1 session to be used before we kick off on June 1st!
I can't wait to see what you do when you make what you want for your life a priority!
A couple weeks ago, we I wrote a blog about how COVID-19 felt like an earthquake that straight up rocked our world, leaving us stunned and worried. (I am fully aware that for a woman from New Mexico who has spent much of her adult life in Texas,I sure do have a lot of earthquake analogies but this should wrap them up).
Now as we are starting to get back to "normal" this fear is still simmering underneath. We are anxiously waiting for the aftershock. We are all cautiously optimistic. Totes normal. There's a lot riding on how this plays out.
What if we all go out and cases ramp back up?
What will the economy look like?
Will we have to go back into quarantine?
Will I get sick? Will my family get sick?
What does my employment future look like?
The fear of the unknown is so much more powerful than the fear of the known. But at the end of the day no matter what, your courage is bigger than your fear. We can do this.
Even though uncertainty surrounds us we can still move forward with what we want for our life, big or small. We can stop spending time on what “should” have been and“could” have been. We can stop using COVID-19 as an excuse for not following through on what we want for our life. We can scrap our previous plans, goals, ideas and create new ones that could in fact be better than we originally had planned. We can move past the fear into action.
I am ready.Are you? If you are, you'll want to join me starting June 1 for a three-month program to make serious moves on what you want for 2020. It will involve 1:1 coaching, accountability and weekly content all designed to help you make progress on what you want for your life. I am only taking 25 people so message me today to get on the list before it goes live at the end of the week!
